Legal Seafood, Chinatown

Occasionally, I find myself in the mood for seafood. Being in the mood for seafood does not mean sushi, as they taste totally different, but it does mean choosing between Hank’s or Legal Seafood. I’ll get into a discussion the next time we go to Hank’s, but this post is all about the Legal experience.

Monkey and I like legal for two reasons in particular, and one incidentally.

1) They have oysters, and a better selection than Hank’s; I am new to oysters – as in the last two months – and am quickly becoming a fan. I like them brinier and snottier than Monkey, who likes them sweet and pillowy. Though I have to admit, when you get a nice creamy one, it’s rather a treat.

2) They offer tasting flights. On this night in particular, the losers next to us were on the white wine flight. If we had been in the mood to splurge, we would have gone with the 12/18/25 Macallan flight. (Or is it 18/25/30?)

C) Where else can you cure a last-minute craving for scallops? (Probably in my top 3 favorite foods.) (I would gladly eat them every day for the rest of my life if I were forced to… and if I was forced to, what kind of punishment would that be? Please tell me what crime you have to commit to get that punishment and I will do it.)

About three months ago, I bought this book at Million Noborders. It’s a journal for dining: what was good, what was bad, what to get, price range, local/non-local. That sort of thing. It was a rash and spur-of-the-moment purchase, but I figured if we used it even a little, it would take care of that constantly ordering the same wrong thing problem that we have when we go to certain restaurants infrequently. The last time we went to Legal, we made mental notes of the meal and wrote everything down. Before going to Legal this time, it would have been wise to check this list. We forgot. In a way though, it was serendipity. For one, the last time we went to Legal, I got the stuffed shrimp and they were horrible and tasteless. I wrote that in the book. This time however, not having that handy-dandy note, I ordered it again, and much to my luck, it was tasty and rather flavorful. I’ve learned my lesson as a reviewer – don’t burn your gastronomical bridges until you’ve tried something twice. Okay, okay, so I’ve learned the lesson, but it’s not like I’m actually going to apply it. The American education system never teaches you how to apply your knowledge. ;) I mean, why would I order something bad again intentionally with the hope of giving the chef a redeeming chance? I’m the one stuck eating it.

What we did remember, however, is that the Cioppino is bad. It’s more like a stew that the description would lead you to believe, and while it is full of seafruits, it’s messy to eat and they never give you an extra plate; they only give you the cardboard lobsterwaste basket.

Monkey was in a light mood, so he got the goat cheese salad with scallops. I’m not hugely fond of goat cheese unless it’s in specific circumstances, so I was wary, but he let me try a scallop. (He knew he would live to regret it if he didn’t. See “C”, above.) The goat cheese absolutely does not go with the scallops, but this was partially Monk’s fault, because you can choose your seafood. I can see how it might go with some salmon or ahi, but scallops are too delicate a flavor. Which brings me to my next point. They covered the scallops in schmutz and then over-grilled them. It tasted burn and salty. I couldn’t taste any of the sweetness and grapiness of the scallop. You would think at a place like Legal, that likes to shove in your face their ability to serve you the best, freshest seafood, they would have learned to COOK it at some point in their history. But now I’m just taking it as a personal offence. I’m also saddened for the scallops that had to lose their life for such ignoble causes. As well on this night, we ordered a dozen oysters. There were 4 varieties and we wanted 3 of each, but our waiter was either new or an idiot, so I’m not sure that we got more than 2 varieties, especially as they weren’t all that visually discernable and only two varieties were marked. They serve the oysters with lemons, some type of clear reddish sauce and maror. I mean horseradish.

Moving along though, time to discuss the extras. The mashed potatoes are kinda hit or miss. They were good last time and the time before, but were flavorless this time. Always good though is the seaweed salad. As far as desserts go, there are two types of chocolate cake; one is sure to smother you in chocolate and the other is merely a chocolate cake. I can’t remember the name exactly, but it’s something like warm chocolate pudding cake. That’s the one you want to get. Desserts are big enough for two. Also, if you’re going to get the chocolate cake in all its splendor, you might as well treat it right. Order the scotch flight. If you think chocolate cake and scotch is disgusting, you’ve never tried it. The people who invented port also have never tried it, otherwise they would never have invented a sweet “dessert wine.”

Finally though, proof that our waiter was new or an idiot or both: the manager was coming by to the tables to do damage control.

Tonight’s night with 1 entrée, 1 salad entrée and 12 oysters ran about 70$.

Previous visit, including, 2 entrees, 6 oysters, 2 desserts, a pint of Bass and a Macallan flight: over 100$; it could have been closer to 115$, but I can’t remember.

On an unrelated and titillating note, as we were sitting in Legal looking out the window at Chinatown, we noticed a banner telling us the wonderful news: Bed Bath and Beyond is moving in across the street. Hooray for people without cars!