The Brickskeller, Dupont

To celebrate Monkey’s end of finals, LocalJurisdiction’s first paycheck, and I guess in my case, it being Friday, we all three decided to go to the Brickskeller*. Now, when it comes to just a night out drinking, Monkey and I have our own favorites, because you can’t go wrong with a $5 pint of Guinness, but when a celebration is called for, we always rely on the Brick.

For those of you not familiar with the Brick, it’s a rather seedy den of nostalgia, stale cigarette smoke and the repository of a large collection of bottled and canned beer, plus some gems on tap – large enough, in fact, to garner the Guinness Record.

There are four things you should expect when visiting:
1) You will spend too much
2) You will experience some seriously good beer as long as you KNOW BETTER than to order off the freaking AMERICAN BREWS MENU in an attempt to subvert “1”, above
3) Service will normally be sub-par
4) You will ALWAYS be seated next to an inane couple that just order wine, think they are being novel for it, and will query the waiter/waitress to AFFIRM that they are being novel, resulting in anyone in a 50 foot radius squelching the urge to dropkick said couple

Something that we seem to experience averaging two out of every three visits is a repeated lack of having the requested beer on hand. (Seriously, Guinness World Records should audit, for the good of mankind and beer drinkers everywhere.) This seems to be uncorrelated to any day of the week or time of the day, so I think we need to ask when shipments arrive, but as Brick stocks beer that is often unknown in the US *except* for the Brick, it’s more likely probable that there isn’t a regional distributor for much other than the American swill*** and that shipments come in all random sorts.

Back in the day, the Brick offered a po-boy, and that was what I usually ordered. Not-so-recently though, they introduced the Louisiana Uptown Richgirl. I usually get this because it is least often out-of-stock, and it’s rather tasty. Monkey occasionally gets the same. The problem with this, however, is that you need more food than that to sustain drinking. The cheeseboard is never a good option. Instead, choose the loaf of bread as an affordable supplement. (Why bother with a half? If you’re that broke, you shouldn’t be drinking at the Brick anyway.) If you find that still more food is required, I heartily recommend the peirogies. Fried, not boiled, for maximum tastiness.

Because of the sheer volume of beer to choose from, and the pointlessness of remembering what I drank or what others drank, here, for you, I give a rundown of my favorites.

• My absolute favorite of all beers is the Gouden Carolus D’Or. Be sure to get it in a 750ml and split with a friend, because size DOES change taste when you’re dealing with a double-fermented beer (fermentation continues after bottling). Be prepared for a rich, complex, almost red-wine taste. Even non-beer fans tend to warm up to this one. A little sweet though, so consider that when determining what beer to order first and what beer to order last.
  
• Also, Rodenbach Grand Cru. Just as complex as the Carolus, this is a Belgian sour. Be sure ONLY to order this one from the tap. (The Brick is currently the only place in the US that has this on tap and it makes all the difference.)
  
• Anything else off the Belgian menu, except for anything by De Dolle and Stella Artois. (When Belgian beers are well beyond affordable, doesn’t that just scream “The Tequiza of Belgium” !?) Particularly, definitely try anything with the trappist certification. Ask your server. Monkey and Ophelia are fans of Chimay in particular and like each of the three varieties to different degrees.
  
• Hitachino Nest LactoStout (Japan) instead of the usual sugar added to the fermentation process, this one uses lactose, resulting in a deep stout with a hint of lactose taste, if you know what this tastes like (it does not taste like milk, btw.)
  
• Young’s Double Chocolate Stout. (England) This one is also available in WholeFoods. Make SURE to order it in the bottle and not the can. It DOES NOT taste like candy. It DOES taste like chocolate, but you'd never know this unless you've chewed on the bitter seeds of the Theobroma cacao.
  
• St. Peter’s Cream Stout (England) Don’t, please don’t order this one at the end of the night. It comes in a medicine bottle, so it’s a little more than you might be used to in a regular single serving size, and ending with this one is a sure way to get trashed. (I’ve made the mistake twice.) It’s name says everything. It’s heavier but smoother than a Guinness.
  
• Lambics – this is a type of beer, much like porters or pilsners. The fruits are good for when you only want to drink light but don’t mind a quick buzz. Read on:
  
  
  
  • Lindeman’s Peche (Peach, Belgium) Yes, it’s fruity and sweet, but I really only drink it when I’m in the mood for sweet, or I want something like champagne.
    
  • Lindeman’s Framboise (Raspberry, Belgium) Same as above, only a richer, heavier flavor. Banal couples should order this instead of wine, as it makes a nice substitute. In fact, Monkey and I frequently bring bottles of Lindeman’s Lambic to parties because we know more about beer than wine, and these are just as drinkable.
    
  • Liepziger Gose (Germany) Gose is the German form of Geuze, which is a double-fermented lambic without the fruit addition. This one is a Monkey favorite, but we’ve only been able to hit it once after the initial first tasting, as it’s usually out of stock. It’s actually brewed with salt and coriander which simultaneously accentuates and mellows the beer’s own taste. Definitely attempt to try it if you’re feeling adventurous.
    
  
  
• Bass (England) England’s first registered trademark, a true IPA and a smooth hop to boot. How can you not love this as an old standby? I much prefer to buy it and drink it at home though, as there’s no real point spending that much at Brick.
  
• Harar (Ethiopia) I had to put this honey beer on here to prove I’m not a Belgian snob (even though I am). Don’t bother spending money on this at the Brick, but definitely have it with some spicy lamb next time you eat Ethiopian.
  

I’ll update as I remember, but at the moment, the mind is fuzzy… and it’s always good to keep a running list of your favorite beers.

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*The name of the establishment is NOT “Brickskeller’s.” The owner’s name is BeerGuy Dave. A skeller is an underground pub. A brick is a brick. So, you should be calling it “BeerGuy Dave’s Brickskeller” or “That underground pub in that brick building place.” STOP calling it otherwise. You sound like a nimrod.**

**Nimrod, is in fact a biblical king and a mighty hunter. When Bugs Bunny calls Elmer Fudd “the mighty nimrod” (working from memory here) it’s a sarcastic observation on Elmer’s hunting skills, and this is why we associate it with being a twit. This is not to say that when I liken people who say “Brickskeller’s” to a nimrod, I am paying them a compliment.

*** Before I get attacked for my thoughts on American Beers, I’ll say this: a few American breweries know how to get it right. Sam Adams is not one of them, but merely a bearable one. There's a reason we call him "Patriot Brewer" and not "Brewer, Patriot." Yuengling is not one of these. Just because you’re old does not mean you are good. Budweiser is not one; “clean” is not a taste that should actively be sought after. If I want clean, I’ll drink Lysol. Generally, American beers are too wet, watery, acidic and green. They seem intent on infusing a “hoppy taste” but don’t bother to take the time to determine what that is and instead produce something that tastes like pine sap mingled with ash and dissolved in rainwater. Rolling rock, in fact, tastes EXACTLY like this. Most American beers that end up being good are small breweries and in particular, ones that for some reason have a problem with distributing on the East coast. Also, Blue Moon does NOT taste like blueberries and NEVER HAS. You only want it to for reasons known only to you, but most likely as a result of a) suggestion b) your own aversion to beer which you are trying to mask or convince yourself to get over or c) an attempt to seem cool. I offer remedies for these: a) be my drinking buddy instead and I’ll school you, b) drink real beer and you’ll find it doesn’t taste awful, and c) go to the brick and let the waitress pick your beer based on what you’d like to taste that night; expanding your fermented horizons is instant coolpoints, at least in my book.